Job description

- Extra-paranoid
- Extra-presuming in seeing everyone as agent of terror
- Brave, doesn't have necrophobia
- Preferably looks fearsome, like a certain wrinkly-faced dog breed
- Willing to feel or grope certain body parts without malice, for the sake of the art of security
- Willing to mentally invent gossips on everyone passing by to entertain himself
- Won't mind different smells wafting from from people's breath and armpits
- Willing to risk the ire of offended, closed-minded individuals (who may accuse him of fondling them for purposes other than expressly stated by law)
- Willing to be trained in roping in potential terrorists, like Wonder Woman
- Willing to use toothpicks to prop up droopy eyelids during odd hours
- Willing to be at risk for communicable diseases and psychological disorders

Oh, to be a security guard.

I show mercy and compassion to them by calling them, "Boss" or "Chief" without a hint of irony.