What dreams mean

Dreams are said to be great 'outers' of our inner emotions (anger, fear, etc.) because when we are asleep, that's reportedly the time when our ego defenses are at their weakest. It's also been said that we ourselves are the best interpreters of our dreams (because we know our own circumstances in life best), granting we are totally honest with ourselves and aware of our tendency to repress hurtful things. Dreams (not to be confused with religious visions, or are the two one and the same?) are a great help in discovering our inner selves. For people who have unresolved issues in life (don't we all?), our dreams help us get through the impregnable wall of denial, the one major roadblock to self-awareness. After all, how can we argue with our own dreams, our own subconscious or unconscious speaking to us?

The meaning of dreams If the link doesn't work, try to Google "the meaning of dreams betty confidential." Anyway, here's he copy-and-pasted text (which I'll try to Fisk within the week if I can to get around plagiarism):

Seven Common Dreams and What They Mean
-Molly Mann, Divine Caroline

Dreams come to us in our most private moments: wrapped up in sheets, our public faces stored away for the night. The visions we see in sleep are supposed to be expressions of our individual psyches and imaginations, but most people's dreams are based on themes that are very common. I thought my recurring dream of losing my teeth was scary and freakish until I went online to find thousands of others having the same dream, all trying to find out what the heck it could mean. Just because our dreams are shared, though, doesn't mean they aren't unique; the way we experience these common elements in dreaming life is what's significant.

1. Being chased.

Candice Janco, author of the Bedside Dream Dictionary: 500 Dream Symbols and Their Meanings, describes this dream (the most common) as an indication of a felt threat in your waking life. This threat can take the form of a menacing person or a strong emotion with which you are having difficulty coping. Try to determine who or what is chasing you, where the dream takes place, and what your feelings are during the chase to understand what this dreams means to you.

2. Missing an important event because you are late.

This can indicate regret over a missed opportunity, inability to make a connection, or desire to pull oneself together. In Dream Power: How to Use Your Night Dreams to Change Your Life, Cynthia Richmond suggests asking questions of dreams in order to understand what this common symbol means to you. For example: What are you missing? Who is disappointed by the missed event? Is it only you or are there others involved?

3. Finding yourself at work or school naked.

Not surprisingly, Freud interpreted dreams about being naked as repressed sexual wishes. But the most important part of this dream is the feelings that are involved. You suddenly find yourself exposed, vulnerable, and awkward. What area of your life corresponds to that feeling? Figure this out by noting where you are, who notices you, what part of you is exposed, how people react to you, and how you yourself react to the situation.

4. Falling.

Falling indicates feelings of insecurity and lack of support. What situation have you "fallen into?" Who has "let you down?" Perhaps not surprisingly, this particular dream is most common among professional men and women. The Illustrated Dream Dictionary authors Russell Grant and Vicky Emptage note the close relationship between "falling" and "failing." They also note that the dream's meaning is probably not so clear-cut. Grant and Emptage ascribe dreams of falling to feelings of isolation, the sense of being without the support and affection that success cannot provide.

5. Flying.

Interestingly, Grant and Emptage interpret flying dreams as boasting about sexual powers. The important part of the dream is how you are flying; since the flying itself represents your ambitions, are you flying successfully, or trying and failing to fly as high as possible? From there, they make the leap to feelings of sexual inadequacy, but such feelings of low self-esteem could cover inadequacy of any kind, not just sexual.

6. Losing your teeth.

This theme has a number of potential meanings because of the very different significances teeth have to different people. Our teeth are representative of our appearance because our smiles are one of the first things people notice about us. Therefore, dreaming about losing your teeth can indicate insecurity about your appearance, or even fears of sexual impotence, as teeth are often used to flirt with a desired partner. We also use our teeth to bite, chew, and tear, so losing them can mean a loss of power or fear of getting old. Interestingly, this dream is most common among menopausal women, perhaps for all of the above reasons

7. Snakes.

Snakes have been a fear in dreams for quite some time. The ancient Egyptians used to make snakes out of clay and place them at the doors of their homes to frighten away nightmares, believing that snakes were bringers of bad dreams and that the clay snake would keep real ones away. Dreammoods, an online encyclopedia of dream meanings, reports that snakes signify some hidden threat. This makes sense, as most of us fear the "snake in the grass." Like most other symbols, though, this one has many meanings that depend on context. Snakes shed their skin, so they may signify renewal and transformation. This may be a frightening experience, as most people are uncomfortable with change, or it may be very positive.

In all of our dreams, the true meanings emerge when we decide what they really mean to us. Though these dream symbols are shared among many, and we can determine general explanations for them, it is the context in which we place them that is significant. Read all you can about dream meanings to find information that may be relevant to you, but also ask questions about your dreams and how these symbols make you feel. Once you dig a little deeper, you may find answers and clarity.

"What SEO is not"

Myseoblog.net emailed me a list of what SEO is not. They compiled the list from four websites.

- Submission. You don't need to submit URLs to search engines, either by hand or using an XML Sitemap. If you have millions of pages, consider it but don't worry about it.

- Tricking the search engines. Work with the engines instead of trying to trick them.

- Following Google's guidelines. They're not your Bible.

- Stuffing keywords. Use them in ways that are natural to your content.

- Optimizing for one keyword phrase. You need to focus on more than one keyword phrase. The more phrases you optimize for, the more you have a chance to be found. Do your keyword research.

- Optimizing for the long tail.

- Creating validated XHTML with a tableless design. It's not a bad thing to do, it's just not SEO. So long as your page renders, don't worry so much. The engines will read your code.

- Submitting to low quality directories.

- An attempt to increase toolbar PageRank. Your goal is to increase qualified traffic, not to increase your PR.

- Placing your page in a specific position in SERPs. Rankings, in general, are a poor measurement these days.

- Proprietary methods and automated tools.

- SEO is not purchasing the #1 sponsored link through Google AdWords and proclaiming that you have a #1 ranking on Google

- SEO is not ranking #1 for your company's name.
- SEO is not Pay Per Click
- SEO is not a "silver bullet" for every web site
- SEO is not a guaranteed that your sales will improve
- SEO is not Voodoo
- SEO is not Keyword stuffing
- SEO is not "biggest wallet/budget wins"
- SEO is not quick
- SEO is not manipulation of code to "fool" search engines
- SEO is not slapping and jamming huge strings of keywords in meta tags

Pinoy corny/killer pick-up lines

(Forwarded email)

This list has been floating in the air lately. It seems to have started out as a series of about five lines. Where did it come from? Bob Ong? Could be. I dunno, but it's getting out of hand. Entries just won't stop, and you are hereby not encouraged to add more to it. All I can say for certain is that Pinoys are irredeemably corny, but I love them just the same. I can't begrudge them their sense of metaphor, which is a gift from God. Enjoy!

"Keyboard ka ba? Type kita eh"

"Ice ka ba? Crush kita, ok lang?"

"Para kang SM, you've got it all"

"Para kang plema! Di ka kasi maalis sa dibdib ko!"

"May MMDA ba rito? Kasi nagkabanggan puso natin!"

"Pwede ba kita maging sidecar? Single kasi ako eh"

"Uy, malala na yung sakit ko sa puso, dalawa na lang options ko para gumaling: either ICU or U C me!"

"Are you a PS game? Because i hope you're not TEKKEN!"

"Alien ka ba? Kasi you're out of this world"

"Yosi vendor ka ba? kasi you give me HOPE and MORE!"

"Minamalat na naman ang puso ko. Paano kasi, laging sinisigaw ang pangalan mo."

"Ikaw ba ang may-ari ng Crayola? ikaw kasi ang nagbibigay ng kulay sa buhay ko"

"Uy picture tayo! pare ma develop tayo"

"Kung ikaw ay bola at ako ang player, nashu-shoot ba kita? Hinde, para lagi kita mami-miss."

"Can i take your picture? Because i want to show Santa exactly what i want for Christmas!"

"Chicken Joy ka ba? Gustong-gusto na kasi kitang i-take out eh!"

"Lecture mo ba ako? Lab kasi kita."

"Centrum ka ba? kasi you make my life complete."

"Miss pwede ba kitang maging driver? Para ikaw na magpapatakbo ng buhay ko."

"Mahilig ka ba sa asukal? Ang tamis kasi ng ngiti mo."

"You are like my underwear.Because I cant last a day without you."

"Ibibili kita ng salbabida, kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko."

"Me lisensya ka ba? Because you're driving me crazy eh."

"May kilala ka bang gumagawa ng relo? May sira ata relo ko, 'pag kasi ikaw ang kasama ko, huminto ang oras ko."

"I'm a bee. Can you be my honey?"

"Am I a bad shooter? because i keep on missing you"

"Naniniwala ka ba sa love at first sight? O gusto mong dumaan ako ulit?"

"Mabilis ka siguro sa mga puzzle noh? Kasi kakasimula pa lang ng araw ko, pero nabuo mo na agad."

"Excuse me, are you a dictionary? Because you give meaning to my life."

"Bangin ka ba? kasi nahuhulog ako sayo."

"Pustiso ka ba? Kasi, I cant smile without you."

"Pagod na pagod ka na noh? Maghapon at magdamag kana kasing tumatakbo sa isipan ko eh."

"Me butas ba puso mo? kasi na trap na ako sa loob, I cant find my way out!"

"Anong height mo? Paano ka kaya nagkasya sa loob ng puso ko?"

"Hey did you fart? Because you blew me away!"

"Sana V na lang ako, Para I'm always right next to U."

"Hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop, BAGAY tayo. BAGAY talaga tayo."

"Ako ay isang exam, kaya sagutin mo na ako."

"Mag empake ka na. Sama ka sa akin. Punta tayo sa home for the aged. Kasi I wanna grow old with you."

"Alarm clock ka ba? kasi ginising mo ang natutulog kong puso."

"Alam mo bang parang 711 ang puso ko? Kasi 24 hours bukas para sayo."

"Nung mahalin kita, daig ko pa ang traffic sa Edsa. I cant move on."

"Nakalunok ka ba ng kwitis? 'Pag ngumiti ka kasi, may spark."

"Pag ako gumawa ng planeta, gusto ko ikaw ang axis ko. Para sayo lang iikot ang mundo ko."

"You look like someone i know- my next girlfriend."

"Ako na ang magbabayad ng tuition fee mo! Basta pag arala mo lang na mahalin ako."

"Feeling ko mouse tayong dalawa. You know, we just click."

"Excuse me, tatanong ko lang kung didiretsuhin ko bang daan na to, o may shortcut sa puso mo?"

"May free time ka ba? Samahan mo naman ako sa psychiatrist. Magdala daw kasi ako ng kinababaliwan ko."

"Kung may business ako, lahat ng tao bibentahan ko ng mura, ikaw lang ang hindi. Sayo lang ako magmamahal."

"Bukas sisingilin ko na yung bayad mo sa renta. Tagal mo na kasing naninirahan sa puso ko eh."

"Miss meron ka bang Eraser? Hindi kasi kita mabura sa isip ko."

"Papapulis kita, ninakaw mo kasi puso ko."

"I lost my number. Can i have yours?"

"I forgot your name. Can i call you mine?"

"Aanhin pa ang damo, kung sayo pa lang may TAMA na ako?"

"Fight it or perish!"

(Forwarded email)

Subject: FIGHT IT OR PERISH!
by Bishop Soc Villegas

FIGHT IT OR PERISH!

Fighting Graft and Corruption

To steal is wrong. It is a crime. It is a sin. When stealing is done by those high up in power and authority, it carries a greater culpability. The corruption of the best is the worst. The social problem of graft and corruption in public life in our country has reached abominable and embarrassing proportions. How shall we describe graft and corruption in our country? It is systemic. It is rewarding. It hurts the poor the most.

Graft and corruption is systemic and structural. It is not only individual or isolated persons who corrupt and get corrupted. The present system­the elected and the electors, the employers and the employees, the appointed and the appointing powers­has become so corrupt that what we do need is a radical, systemic, interior change. Changing personages through the electoral process or even through legal processes like impeachment and court suits will not necessarily result in reform unless there is a willingness to change from the heart and soul. Pinning our hopes on legal processes unaccompanied by conversion from within will lead us to nowhere but deeper frustrations. We can hear the protest “Tama na. Sobra na. Alis na. Kami naman!�. It is important that those who investigate or prosecute corrupt officials will not gain political or financial benefits from convicting or absolving the accused.

Graft and corruption is rewarding and rewarded. It is hardly punished. The politicization of the judiciary and the perennial rumors about rogues in robes are problems we need to address urgently. Vigilance is lacking. Political will is weak. Prosecution plays favorites. The penal system is flawed. Pardon and clemency is cheap. Among our people, there is an increasing level of tolerance for corrupt officials. Corruption does not seem to anger many of us anymore. We are not outraged enough by graft and corruption. Widespread graft has sadly numbed our morals.

The public money that goes to graft is money stolen from the poor. Because of graft and corruption, schools buildings cannot be constructed and teachers are not paid; public hospitals cannot protect us from untimely death; soldiers are deprived of their just wages.

Our biggest problem in our country is graft and corruption. This problem must be faced courageously now. We are risking the life of our nation if we continue to ignore it. I appeal to the consciences of our countrymen. Do not leave the solution of graft and corruption to corrupt officials. Our problem cannot be our solution. Let us come together as Catholic faithful to fight the sin of graft and corruption. We cannot profess faith in God and not get angry at widespread graft and corruption. Faith in God and outrage at sin go together. Outrage is not enough; it must lead to action. If we are not outraged by the sin of stealing happening all over our once beautiful land, could it be that our faith has turned cold and uncaring? If your faith has turned cold and uncaring, how can you be saved? Fight corruption or lose your soul!

I place this appeal at the feet of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal.

From the Cathedral of Saint Joseph, Balanga City, November 27, 2008

+SOCRATES B. VILLEGAS
Bishop of Balanga

Story behind the quotes

Interesting email of the day is this William-Safiresque tracing of the history behind the most quoted quotes -- in Britain, that is: “QUOTE ... UNQUOTE”: CURRENT FAQs

THE MOST QUOTED REMARKS

Monitoring the use of - and popularity of - particular quotations leads one to the conclusion that, at the moment, the clear winners – in the British media at least - are:

(1) ‘There are lies, damn lies - and statistics.’

(2) ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’



THE TOP THREE QUOTATION ORIGIN REQUESTS

(1) ‘God is in the details.’

(2) (Of England and America) ‘Two nations separated by a common language.’

(3) ‘Parents are the very last people who ought to be allowed to have children.’

THE MOST REQUESTED PHRASE ORIGINS

(1) ‘Cometh the hour, cometh the man.’

(2) ‘The whole nine yards.’

Negative mental scripts

Following are commonly heard lines in troubled families. Ever heard a line or two from your own? Or are you yourself guilty of uttering one? Each line is capable of destroying a sensitive child, for life, and making him or her an instrument of big trouble in the world. Needless to say, selfish, insensitive words have deadly consequences. Try to honestly take note of the feelings that emerge from any line that strikes you.

(This set of scripts were taken from an inner child healing retreat I had attended. Original source not cited.)

Don't express your feelings. Don't get angry. Don't get upset. Don't cry. Do as I say, not as I do. Be good, "nice," and perfect. Avoid conflict (or avoid dealing with conflict). Don't think or talk. Just follow directions. Do well in school. Don't ask questions. Don't betray the family. Don't discuss the family with outsiders. Keep the family secret. Be seen and not heard! No back talk. Don't contradict me. Always look good. I'm always right. You're always wrong. Always be in control. Focus on the (troubled member's behavior). (This or that problem behavior) is not the cause of our problmes. You make me sick! Always maintain the status quo. Everyone in the family must be an enabler.

(Implicit messages)

(Shame on you. You're not good enough. I wish I'd never had you. Your needs are not all right with me. Hurry up and grow up. Be dependent. Be a man. Big boys don't cry. Act like a nice girl (or lady). You don't feel that way. You're so stupid (or bad, etc.). You caused it. You owe it to us. Of course we love you (even if evidence shows otherwise)! I'm sacrificing myself for you. How can you do this to me? We won't love you if you... You're driving me crazy! You'll never accomplish anything. It didn't really hurt. You're so selfish. You'll be the death of me yet. That's not true. I promise (though I'll break it). You're so stupid. We wanted a boy. We wanted a girl. You !@#$%!)

**

In addition, here's a quick guide to help determine whether you are being yourself, or not.

Real Self vs. the Codependent Self

-genuine vs. ungenuine
-spontaneous vs. plans and plods
-expansive, loving vs. contracting fearful
-giving, communicating vs. withholding
-accepting of self and others vs. envious, critical, idealized, perfectionistic
-compassionate vs. other-oriented, overly conforming
-loves unconditionally vs. loves conditionally
-feels feelings, including appropriate, spontanoues, current anger vs. denies or hides feelings, including long-held anger or resentment
-assertive vs. aggressive and/or passive
-intuitive vs. rational, logical
-ability to be child-like vs. over-developed parent-adult scripts; may be childish
-vulnerable vs. pretends always to be strong
-powerful in true sense vs. limited power
-trusting vs. distrusting
-enjoys being nurtured vs. avoids being nurtured
-surrenders vs. controls, withdraws
-self-indulgent vs. self-righteous
-open to the unconscious vs. blocks unconscious material
-remembers our oneness vs. forgest our oneness; feels separate
-free to grow vs. tends to act our of unconscious, often painful, patterns

See the antidote: Positive mental scripts

Bumped into Aussie American Idol

No, not David Cook. Michael Johns.

And I saw him, not once, but twice -- first in Glorietta, and second in Greenbelt 3. To think I was just about to go home from work. ...Not.

Okay, I actually plotted to see him. Make that "we": me, my friends, and officemates. We were united by the fact that he was the one we were rooting for at the time (coz he's the only one who had the 'it' factor; the two Davids came off as generic white boys), but sadly he lost, thick Aussie accent and all. We just can't believe he'd come over here and we'd see him face to face.

He stood very tall, as expected. I only caught him singing the last few songs in Glorietta, though, so I had to check out the Greenbelt 3 Park performance. His choices of songs in Glorietta were too old-school for me, so I didn't enjoy the show as much as I hoped. I admit, however, that his voice suits best certain songs like the arena rock classic "We are the Champions" and "Bohemian Rhapsody." The songs I heard him sing in Greenbelt were a bit cooler: I heard "Wonderwall" (by Oasis), "Yellow" (Coldplay), a Red Hot Chili Peppers number, etc.

His get-up in both concerts was very simple: no-frills tees and jeans, conveying an unpretentious and up-and-coming rock star act, if you can call him that. He was sweating like crazy, and now and then complained about the humidity. He even told the audience in mock anger, "How dare you laugh at my accent!" He also claimed he never thought there were a lot of people who were watching American Idol outside America. I thought it quite silly for him to say that, considering how American pop culture has long conquered the world without military invasion. He's just being humble, I know.

He lost me, though, when he sang a song with "La-la-la-la-la" on it. I thought it was awful. I thought his voice was at times very loud and unmodulated. But why do I get this feeling I am just being Simon Cowell?

Predictably, the female fans were all going crazy, volunteering unplanned pregnancy for the music star, who's considered a "foreign kid" backstage in American Idol.

Exposés, exposés

Exposés... everywhere you look are exposés, and not one likely conviction. We're glad about all these exposés, of course, because finally, even if they come ever so slowly, we the people are being vindicated, about the murder of Bubby Dacer, about the Zay-Tee-Eee scandal, the Joc-joc Bolante case, etc. etc. We love all the corruption at the national level being exposed one by one, making this country and this administration the most corrupt of all (and the military this administration and the one that came before it the most heinous of all). We don't deserve a life where our top leaders steal our money with no shame and where we are being constantly pulled a fast on with nary a sense of guilt and people are being killed or disappear under mysterious circumstances. Exposure of the truth in broad daylight can only lead to solutions, especially healing solutions. Exposés. We love exposés. Bring 'em on, no matter if they come from 'damaged goods.' (Who is Mr. Clean anyway? Just make sure everything is prosecutable, or we come up with nothing, and it's Hello Garci all over again.)

Now, let's laugh, for a change. We deserve to be amused. Besides, this is too funny not to be shared, though it came quite late in the day.

Obama's Use of Complete Sentences Stirs Controversy

by Andy Borowitz

"In the first two weeks since the election, President-elect Barack Obama has broken with a tradition established over the past eight years through his controversial use of complete sentences, political observers say.

Millions of Americans who watched Mr. Obama's appearance on CBS's 60 Minutes on Sunday witnessed the president-elect's unorthodox verbal tick, which had Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually every time he opened his mouth.
But Mr. Obama's decision to use complete sentences in his public pronouncements carries with it certain risks, since after the last eight years many Americans may find his odd speaking style jarring.

According to presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, some Americans might find it "alienating" to have a president who speaks English as if it were his first language.

"Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement," says Mr. Logsdon. "If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist."
The historian said that if Mr. Obama insists on using complete sentences in his speeches, the public may find itself saying, "Okay, subject, predicate, subject predicate -- we get it, stop showing off."

The president-elect's stubborn insistence on using complete sentences has already attracted a rebuke from one of his harshest critics, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska.
"Talking with complete sentences there and also too talking in a way that ordinary Americans like Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder can't really do there, I think needing to do that isn't tapping into what Americans are needing also," she said."

**

Plug

ENTABLADO-Ateneo is staging all the ten plays from 10x10x10. :) Please do watch. :)

Showdates are 22, 27, 28, 29 - 7pm and 22 & 29 - 3pm. Ticket at P120. Rizal Mini Theater, Ateneo de Manila University. We will be performing 5 plays per showdate :)
Catch the schedule of the plays at www.xpres2008.multiply.com

Wanted: definitive scientific definition of death

C.P. pointed us to this next controversial topic: the definition of death, as discussed in At the Vatican, One Newspaper Is Making Noise. For Some, Too Much.

Related: Pope Benedict's November 7, 2008 address on organ donations.

W00t section

Congratulations, I guess, are in order for Filipino writer Miguel "Chuck" Syjuco for making all Pinoy writers proud. I've always wondered what happened to this guy because his name used to be all over the place because he was a young cheeky poet and all that, but the last thing I remember having read about him is that he's doing cool moves at ABGs, glow sticks in his hands. Now, he hits big time with an international award for a novel he wrote. I wonder if I'll ever get to read that novel. Most award-winning works end up being totally useless and meaningless because only the judges ever get to read them. Hope this one is an exception.

"Six flags of scientific thinking"

Recently, I've heard about the "Six Flags of Scientific Thinking," an approach to inquiry used by scientists, i.e., to test the validity of their hypotheses. I'm a BS Bio grad, albeit a non-practicing one, but I've never heard of this before.

Hmm, we can use this somewhere, can't we? ...To avoid stupid exchanges, in particular, especially in case of mutual hatred, blogosphere's favorite lingo? We can use this especially against anyone who ingenuously but falsely appeals to scientific credibility in his or her bid to maliciously prove the other side as unthinking bigots who continue live in the Dark Ages. Let's see how the arguments of such people really fare in the face of unbiased scientific views, and let's prove who really are the biased and bigoted ones, the ones who really are unfair in their thinking.

Here's how the above-linked site sums up the "six flags":

"1. Extraordinary Claims - The more a claim contradicts what we already know, the more persuasive the evidence must be before we should accept it.

2. Falsifiability - Claims must be capable of being disproved.

3. Occam’s Razor - If two hypotheses explain a phenomenon equally well, we should generally select the simpler one.

4. Replicability - A finding must be capable of being duplicated by independent researchers following the same 'recipe.'

5. Ruling Out Rival Hypotheses - Findings consistent with several hypotheses require additional research to eliminate these hypotheses.

6. Correlation versus Causation - The fact that two things are associated with each other doesn’t mean that one causes the other."

Reference: Lilienfeld, Lynn, Namy, and Woolf (2008). Psychology: From Inquiry to Understanding, First Edition

Ellis's 11 irrational ideas/awfulizations

(Last post based on Powell's Fully Human, Fully Alive)

Alfred Adler, Freud's one-time disciple, reportedly proposed that human neurosis is caused by the mistaken belief (misconception) that one must prove his personal superiority without regard for the common good. However, this misconception hypothesis fully bloomed into a theory when it was developed by Albert Ellis (1973), until it evolved into what will be known as "rational emotive therapy." In Ellis's theory, all emotional and psychological problems can be traced to irrational ideas as a result of faulty learning experiences mostly during early childhood. Such mistakes happen to all of us in various degrees, resulting in full-blown neuroses and dysfunctions in victims (i.e., as victimized by other people's cruelty) who have personality types prone to such things. Ellis sums up these distorted thoughts into 11 misconceptions:

1. I must be loved and approved by everyone in my community, especially by those who are most important to me.

2. I must be perfectly competent, adequate, and successful in achieving before I can think of myself as worthwhile.

3. I have no control over my own happiness. My happiness is completely in the control of external circumstances.

4. My past experiences and the events of my life have determined my present life and behavior. The influence of the past cannot be eradicated.

5. There is one right and perfect solution to each of my problems. If this is not found it will be devastating for me.

6. Dangerous and fearsome things are causes for great concern. I must be prepared for the worst by constantly dwelling on and agonizing over these possible calamities.

7. I should be dependent on others and must have someone stronger than myself on whom I can rely.

8. If my life does not work out the way I had planned, it will be really terrible. When things go badly for me it is a catastrophe.

9. It is easier to avoid certain difficulties and responsibilities than to face them.

10. Some people are bad, wicked, villainous. They should be blamed and punished.

11. One should be very upset over the problems and disturbances of other people.

Ideas 1-7 result in anxiety. Ideas 8-11 result in hostility.

(Source: A. Ellis's (1962) Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy and R. Harper's (1968) A Guide to Rational Living.)

Ellis sums up the above list differently as the "Three Whines or Awfulizations":

1. Poor Me! (Awfulizes one's own self.) "Because it would be highly preferable if I were outstandingly competent, I absolutely should and must be; it is awful when I am not, and I am therefore a worthless individual.

2. Poor Stupid (Other) People! (Awfulizes what others are doing to me.) "Because it is highly desirable that others treat me considerately and fairly, they absolutely should and must, and they are rotten people who deserve to be utterly damned when they do not."

3. Poor Stupid Life and Universe! (Awfulizes what the world is doing to me and my life situation.) "Because it is preferable that I experience pleasure rather than pain, the world should absolutely arrange this, and life is horrible and I can't bear it when the world doesn't."

(Source: Albert Ellis, "The no-cop-out therapy," Psychology Today.)

Other similar theories:

Anthropologist Margaret Mead: believes that it is uniquely American distortion to set impossibly high moral standards that can result only in failure and guilt feelings.

Psychiatrist Karen Horney: thinks that the "idealized self-image" (the illustory self) as opposed to and in conflict with a realistic self-evaluation is at the botton of much human misery.

Psychologist Victor Raimy: adds "the special person complex," usually found in the favorite child of a coddling mother or someone who has received much public attention and praise, and "phrenophobia," the misconception that one is on the verge of insanity.

**

Related instrument:

Jackson-Salisbury Diagram for Maladjusted and Unhappy Living

These are the four layers of self-revelation one must dig deep into in oneself before one can get to the bottom of one's 'truth' (i.e., psychological issues):

Lack of adaptation to social environment (is caused by) <-- Lack of harmony within the personality <-- Inappropriate emotions <-- Wrong ideas or ignorance

The cure naturally would be to work backward:

Right ideas (result in) --> Appropriate emotions --> Harmony within the personality --> Readjustment to the social environment

Source: Jackson's and Salisbury's Outwitting Our Nerves (19??)

**

Powell: "Let Life Question You"

Lastly, Powell expands on Ellis's 11 questions by coming up with his more specific statements designed to probe oneself.

Do any of these distorted ideas ring a bell? (My quick comments after arrow.)

1. I have received so much that I have no right to have any faults. --> Check yourself for a possible unconscious case of: Unnecessary guilt. Good boy-image complex

2. I have only myself to blame. --> Self-crucifixion/Self-punishment (False atonement)

3. I cannot be angry at anyone but myself. --> Repressed anger complexed with Unnecessary guilt

4. My physical dimensions are the measure of my virility or femininity. --> Compensation. Machismo. Male chauvinism. Sexism. Reverse sexism

5. Nobody could really love me. --> Severe inferiority complexed with Depression

6. I don't deserve to be happy. --> Self-condemnation, perhaps borne of enforced-guilt complex

7. Loving yourself or admitting your talents is egotistical and conceited. --> False humility

8. What really matters is ME! I am a special person. --> Narcissism (leading to the sin of Lucifer)

9. Self-forgiveness is self-indulgence. --> False piety

10. I am a born loser. --> False humility

11. Laughing at yourself is stupid and self-demeaning. --> Rigidity. Unhealthy self-regard. Excessive pride

12. I have to bury forever many of my memories; they would make me too angry or sad. --> Suppression leading to repression leading to depression

13. If I begin reflecting on my past, it will be a Pandora's box; it is better to leave well enough alone. --> Evasion of unresolved issues, leading to the above

14. If I ever begin to release my emotions, I know I will lose control. --> Fear of feeling one's pain

15. Keep your mouth shut, and you won't get into trouble. --> Fear of figuring in conflict (may be due to a related traumatic experience)

16. People make me mad or afraid. --> Presumption-paranoia complex

17. Stupidity makes me angry. --> Perfectionism as projection of one's demand of oneself out of a sense of inadequacy

18. Hurting the feelings of others should always be avoided. --> Fear of conflict or Escapist lack of courage to confront ugliness

19. My thoughts and feelings would really shock you. --> Excessive presumption of innate evil in oneself

20. Keeping the peace is the most important thing in a relationship.--> Phobia due to paranoia

21. You can't say what you really think and feel. --> Phobia due to paranoia. Persecution complex?

22. You can't really trust anyone. --> Paranoia

23. My parents were ideal in every way. --> Denial. Virtue-induced but false guilt

24. I know that if people get to know the real me they will not like me. --> Lack of self-esteem and Fear of rejection

25. I must play a role in order to be accepted by others. --> Lack of self-esteem due to painful experience of rejection or out of being explicitly told by caregiver to be this and not that

26. I have to be the center of attention or I don't enjoy myself. --> Self-centeredness, possibly as caused by overindulgence

27. Because I play roles in front of people to impress them, I am phony and therefore no good at all. --> False humility due to very low self-esteem

28. My parents are to blame for me. --> Blaming complexed with irrational sense of freedom from responsbility

29. Marriage is only a piece of paper. --> Denial in the form of sour-graping

30. Love does not last. --> Denial in the form of sour-graping

31. Do your thing, baby! You're the only one that counts. --> Narcissism

32. You can always tell a hypocrite. --> Projection of split-level personality

33. You have to give in -- to compromise yourself -- in order to get along with people. --> People-pleasing out of fear of rejection

34. If someone comes to me with a problem, I must do more than just listen and discuss the problem. --> Messianic complex

35. Love is all sweetness and light. When a person has found love, it is the end of all struggle and suffering. --> Romanticism

36. What will the neighbors say? We have to look good. --> False pride out of fear of rejection

37. Perfect love is the only kind of real love. --> Impossible idealism. Romanticism complexed with QUixoticism

38. I do not need others. --> I-am-Superman/Wonder Woman complex. Superiority complex

39. I know what is best for you. --> Control freak-ism. Manipulativeness. Codependency

40. Love is doing whatever the beloved wants. --> Emotional dependency

41. If you want something done, you have to do it yourself. --> Illusion of self-sufficiency

42. I know your whole trouble. --> Presumption, possibly to cover up one's own troubles or to feel better than others

43. I'll get even if it's the last thing [I'd] do. --> Vindictiveness (out of bitterness, of course)

44. You can't praise others too much; it will go to their head. --> Projection of one's puffed-up self-regard

45. Love is blind. --> Quixoticism complexed with Delusion and Denial. Emotional dependency

46. I have to please others, to satisfy their expectations of me. --> People-pleasing, out of Fear of rejection

47. No commitment can be for life. --> Bitterness, Cynicism (out of tragic/traumatic experience)

48. This is the way I am and will always be. --> Confusion of character defect as being natural/biological

49. I just can't decide. --> Codependency. Lack of self-confidence

50. It's no use trying. --> Helplessness. Hopelessness. Toxic resignation. Victimology

51. I just don't have the will power; I can't. --> False sense of powerlessness

52. It's easier just to give in. --> I'm-only-human alibi

53. Where there's a will there's a way. You can do anything you really want to do. --> Being rigidly self-willed as an act of compensation or Being overly achievement-oriented out of a desire to please or feel adequate

54. I have to prove myself. --> Conditional love's after-effect

55. Life is one "damn thing" after another. --> Cynicism. Bitterness

56. I must win them all. --> Compensation/consuming sense of achievement caused by traumatic experience of conditional love, rejection, etc.

57. A true ideal should always be just out of reach.--> False idealism

58. Life is easier if you don't stop to think about it. --> Denial complexed with Peter Pan syndrome

59. Good people do not suffer. Virtue always triumphs in the end. --> Spiritual denial

60. Those were the good old days. --> Neurotic nostalgia

61. You only go around once. Grab all you can for yourself. --> Selfishness and avarice probably caused by traumatic want or unforgettable experience of deprivation

62. We are for time, not time for us. We must keep moving and producing to justify our existence. --> Overwork due to self-imposed guilt

63. You cannot set your sights too high. --> Low self-esteem complexed with Lack of drive/dream/ambition due to Cynicism

64. Whatever you do, you should do it perfectly. --> Perfectionism. Little Lord Fauntleroy complex

65. Never give up. --> Panglossian complex/Pollyanna complex

66. A thing is either black or white. To make distinctions is always confusing. --> Rigidity/Inflexibility out of Fear of change

67. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. --> Denial of other perspectives

68. The world owes me a living. --> Delusion, as may arise from Favorite-child syndrome

69. I can't waste time taking a walk, reading a book, or puttering in a garden. --> Overwork/overcompensation/Overexertion arising from Envy or other causes

70. Every problem is solvable. --> Delusion of grandeur. Superman/McGyver complex

71. The world belongs to the young. Ah, to be young again! --> Envy complexed with Despair

72. Failure is failure and all failure is final. --> Cynicism. Despair (leading to the sin of Judas)

73. I'm too old to start now. --> Cynicism. Depressive resignation

74. Who needs God? --> Willful pride due to narcissism

75. Prayer is for the weak. --> Presumption out of denial

Polyhedral parol

If you must marvel at some Christmas parols this year (as if you have much choice), you should see that modernist (and masculine) take on the parol in Glorietta Mall, Makati. It's the best interpretation I've seen so far after the Pampanga lantern traditional design. The crystal lattice architecture of the lanterns is something we've never conceptualized before -- well, we've had equally handsome reinvention of the barong in recent years, thanks to streamlined geometrical patterns, a refreshing departure from the bahay kubo-plus-coconut-tree-and-carabo embroidery, haha. My favorite parol architecture would be the one with that weird icosidodecahedron design, or something to that effect, yeah.

Delete cookies

Never in my life did I imagine deleting cookies everyday someday. For security purposes and connection speed too, I am told. Time was when cookies were eaten, enjoyed as no one like Sesame Street's Cookie Monster could. (My officemate Jeck once called this TV character Coke-y Monster, but that's another novel.) Nowadays, I am told to delete cookies everyday. It's an additional task I don't enjoy doing, but should. Just that it sounds so funny in an odd way. I hope I don't end up deleting my self in the process. Now that part is meant to sound poetic in a pathetic way. Hope it worked. Meh.

Bookings galore

-Like a pokpok in peak season, I'm already fully booked till the holidays, so please don't sked a date with me until I give you the go signal. Thanks.

-Went to the Chris Brown-Rihanna concert last night with friends at the Taguig open field. Didn't expect these two artists to be that big. Their names could gather 70,000 people in one night. What a sight to behold. Too many beautiful young people to count. If only we could harness that force the better way, I mean other than ask them to party hard.

Considering her smallish frame, Rihanna, the Barbadan singer surprisingly pulled it off. I noticed how, other than managing to sound like a regular RnB black singer, she has something unique in her voice: there's a factor of cuteness in her vocal styling. Of course, at the end, she sang the song that made her famous and multi-awarded (I didn't know that part): "Umbrella-ella-ella." Everybody seemed to know the entire lyrics to this song. (But did Rihanna really haev to wear jsut her panties? We thought we forgot her skirt at home.)

I've been a fan of Chris Brown ever since I heard "With you, with you, with you," which I noted to have wonderful buildup. Apparently, the whole of Metro Manila believes the same, as they sang in unison to this particular Chris Brown song.

You could just imagine how the crowd reacted when the two sang an equally popular duet at the end.

This year seems to be the year of beautiful, talented blacks.

If the concert was fun, the way back home was pure punishment, though. The crowd dispersed everywhere; cars were everywhere, turning all the roads into a giant parking lot; every establishment open had long lines; Ray badly wanted to take a leak but couldn't find a a decent place; we're all getting pissed off because we're all bone-tired, hungry, thirsty; we had no clear idea how to get back to EDSA; and it's already past 12 PM. To think we've already spent so much money earlier just to be on time (out tickets were at the discounted price of Php300 each, so we could see Rihanna and Chris Brown at the size of 1 mm -- good thing giant screens were everywhere).


-Saturday went to a talk given by this venerable veteran pro-lifer lady named Dr. Telly Somera. It was a stunning talk, making even firmer my personal conviction that there are too many lies being told to people using the most cunning strategies in regard the issues surrounding contraception, abortion, sex, etc. She revealed information too heady for me to contain right now. Not that we haven't heard of all that in the past. Just that so many important things are not being reported by mass media, and that it's oly that I am able to connect the dots better.

-Spent Sunday afternoon at the ABS-CBN trade fair at the World Trade Center. Not being business-minded, I found the whole affair very interesting, though overwhelming. Too many possible business ideas for Filipinos. The positive energy of the whole thing was palpable.

Self-diagnostic: How distorted is my worldview?

Direction: You will find below some fundamental, either/or descriptions under each of five categories. If your answer (judgment,evaluation) verges more to the first of the two given alternatives, your score is either 5 or 4. If your answer tends to be more the second alternative, You score either 2 or 1. Obviously, if it between the two ideas, you score 3.

Don’t mark or base your judgment on what SHOULD, WOULD, or COULD you think, but in every case, on what you actually DO think. Be honest (otherwise, you have no one to fool but yourself).


Who am I?

Good/Bad
Compassionate/Unfeeling
Generous/Selfish
Responsible/Undependable
Hardworking/Lazy
Capable of personal decisions/Indecisive
Authentic/Phoney
Involved in social concerns/Naïve
Interested in others/Only in self
Loyal/Disloyal
Gifted/Ungifted
Superior to most others/Inferior
Intelligent/Unintelligent
Great in Potential/Little potential
In Control of life/Out of control
Good-looking/Ugly
Lovable/Unlovable
Many pleasing mannerisms/Few
Grateful/Ungrateful
Emotionally warm/Cold
Deep/Superficial
Interesting/Boring
Active/Passive
Consistent/Inconsistent
Independent/Overly dependent
Important to others/Unimportant
Needed/not needed
Loved by many/Loved by few
Supported by many/supported by few
My love is wanted by many/by few
Valued highly by many/by few
Valued for self/Valued by what I could give
Add much to the group gatherings/Add little
Give much joy to others/Give little
Cooperative/Uncooperative


Who are other people?

Essentially good/Bad
Peaceful/Hostile
Trustworthy/Suspicious
Ready to help me/Disinterested in me
Loving/Selfish
Generous/Greedy
Concerned about others/only about themeselves
Honest/Dishonest
Compassionate/unfeeling
Loyal/disloyal
Grateful/Ungrateful
Similar to me/Unlike me
Responsible/Undependable
Emotionally warm/cold
Lovable/unlovable
cooperative/uncooperative
Collaborators/competitors
Balanced/Unbalanced
Hurting and needy/In no pain and no need
Authentic/Phoney


What is life?

A pleasant experience/A struggle
Important/Doesn’t really matter
Beautiful/Ugly
An adventure/An endurance contest
An education/A disillusionment
Satisfying/Dissatisfying
Meaningful/Meaningless
Challenging/defeating
Too short/Too long
Exciting/Boring
A time for growing/for surviving
Perpetually changing and new/Sadly repetitious
A time for giving/A time for getting
I wouldn’t miss it for anything/sorry I got into it
Money is relatively important/almost everything
Tomorrows are eagerly awaited/dreaded
Time is valuable/worthless
Old age is mellow time/ a sad time
Suffering can be a time of growth/an evil to be avoided
Death is a beginning/tragedy


What is the physical world?

Nature is beautiful/unimpressive
The physical world is important/unimportant
The physical world is fascinating/dull
I have great interest in geography-geology/no interest
Animal pets are very enjoyable/a nuisance
I enjoy gardens immensely/never notice them
I have much interest in nature-related hobbies/no interest
Solar system is mind-staggering/is irrelevant to me
Archaelology excites great curiosity/means nothing to me
Certain natural scenes are special to me/have no significance
Ecology is a great concern/excites no interest
The animal kingdom is interesting/irrelevant
Stars are breathtaking/rarely notice them
Nature walks are delightful/silly and boring
Seasons are beautiful/Bothersome


Who is God?

A father-mother/A tyrant taskmaster
Unconditionally loving/Conditionally loving
forgiving/Angry and unrelenting
Interested in me/Not at all interested
Near and close/Distant and detached
Reassuring/Frightening
Comforting/Upsetting
Warm/Cold
Understanding/Intolerant
Affirming/Threatening


Scoring yourself: A very high score on both ends (high 5s and high 1s) indicates an amount of distortion in your worldview. If you are honest, your score should reveal your misconceptions about yourself, other people, life, God, and the world. Collectively, they should point to a distorted personal vision of the world. Hopefully, they also prompt you work at correcting that vision.

Source: John Powell's Fully Human, Fully Alive

Obama and abortion

Abortion is a tricky thing. If you believe that abortion is plain and simple murder, there ought to be no compromise. It should be declared both immoral and illegal in all circumstances (or perhaps with rare exceptions).

If you believe in the freedom of religion or lack thereof plus freedom to have sex with anyone who'd agree to do it with you, you may probably agree to a law that allows others to practice what they believe in as long as there's a quid pro quo: they allow you the same. The believer succeeds in not violating his conscience while allowing nonbelievers to do as they please with what the believer thinks is immoral.

The issue offers no such compromise to those who believe that abortion is murder. A believer can't just stand by and say it's other people's right to kill fetuses. Striking a middle ground is impossible. The very concept of a secular state crumbles in the face of this issue. The intersection between legal and moral is a solid, inflexible line, leaving no gray area.

No wonder the US bishops are incensed in the face of Obama's stance on the issue.

**

Related: Related: The Facts of When Human Life Begins: Interview With Maureen Condic of the Westchester Institute by Karna Swanson

Quiz to diagnose buildup of tension

Calm down, relax, and take this quick quiz.

1. Do little things irritate you?
2. Do you have trouble sleeping?
3. Do you wake up in the morning feeling tired and grouchy?
4. Do you worry a lot?
5. Do you feel trapped?
6. Are you a frequent complainer?
7. Do you often snap at those who are closest to you?
8. Do you suffer frequent physical symptoms (headaches, indigestion, rashes, etc.)?

A score of 1 and above makes you eligible to H.A.L.T. therapy (the halt being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired therapy).

**

So which act are you?

This is too American, but don't worry, you'll get it if you have common sense. Tick off the role(s) you suspect to involuntarily play in life. (If you are naughty, try to analyze each character you encounter according to these sample character boxes. We're all guilty (because nobody's perfect), so have fun!)

Shirley Smiles
Mickey "Everybody's Buddy" Mascot
Peppermint Patty, the People-Pleaser
Dennis Doormat
Elsie Enabler
Elmer Egghead
Polly Porcupine
Henry Helper
Susie Shyness
Nathan Niceguy
Priscilla Peace-at-any-Price
Milton Mindgames
Felicia Femme-Fatale
Max Macho
I.M. Incredible
Gertie Gossip
Harry Humorist
Doris Dingbat
Freddy Fragile
Wilma Wimp
Matthew Muscles
Fanny Fashionplate

(Based on John Powell's and Loretta Brady's Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?)

How to be a bad listener

Here are surefire ways to block or altogether stop real communication with significant others (or even between bloggers who strive to be honest). Hey, this is not applicable to dealing with your kids, understood? Alright, let's get started.

1. Do the guilt trip thing: "Others have problems worse than yours."

2. Offer advice (instead of merely suggesting when asked): "Dummy, this is how you must solve your problem, alright? This way, you become totally dependent on me, I won't give you the dignity of deciding for yourself, you don't grow as a person, and when you fail, you can lay the blame squarely on me. Thanks."

3. Be a mind-reader: "Oh, been there, been that. Wait, let me recall mine in minute detail starting from when I was a kid circa 1888."

- Judge intentions and motives: "Oh, I think you're just being a bad guy. Satan must be whispering sick things by your side. You must have been motivated by Hitler himself."

4. Be patronizing instead of empathetic: "Oh, you poor thing." "Ouch, that hurts much!"

5. Be an echo in a bid for neutrality: "Uh-huh, uh-huh. (Echo, echo.)"

6. Listen to the content, but not the context

7. Listen to the words, but do not watch the body language.

8. Let your mind dawdle/wander in between the things the other person says.

- Dream: "What?... Oh sure... I understand."

9. Be impatient. Make sure your body language does the job effectively.

10. Avoid clarifying the message for the sake of accuracy

- Don't ask for more info.
- Don't double-check a given word's meaning.
- Don't verify your own understanding of the person's experience.

11. Tell him how to think, so you can teach him to be immature.

12. Speak your own personal truth as "the truth," period: "What's good enough for me is good enough for you, or the whole world, for that matter."

13. Compute: "They say that studies have shown..." Act as the other person's therapist or counselor and be in a higher position, making the relationship unequal

14. Distract the speaker: "Say, this is a great place..."

15. Filter the message: "Another good day at work, eh?" Notice only those things that interest you and tune out the rest if inconvenient to you.

16. Vent/Gunnysack: "Yes, but you..." React based on a past grievance. Grab the chance to ventilate on an old grudge.

17. Identify yourself with the speaker and shift the focus to "I, me, and myself": "Yes, that's like the time when I..."

- Compete (or be Envious even when it's out of place): "I'm sure I look better than..."

18. Ignore the person: "..." ("I'm not really deaf, just playing deaf.")

19. Resort to labeling, name-calling, or making uncouth remarks: "Oh, c'mon, you're really paranoid."

20. Placate the speaker: "Oh, yes, that's true. Uh, huh, you're right." React based on your desire to be liked at all costs, to have peace at any price.

21. Rehearse your response: (Thought bubble: "As soon as he's finished talking, I'm just going to tell him...") React out of defensiveness: Turn the exchange into a debate.

22. Be sarcastic: React in such a way that the person is embarrassed to be emotionally honest or intimate, for once. "Don't hurry, dear, for you might ruin your reputation for being The Late Ms. Sloth."

23. Manipulate the conversation by reacting based on other hidden agenda not covered above.

24. Be ungrateful to the other person who spent time listening to your sob story



How to be a bad speaker

1. Never take responsibility for your actions and reaction. Use "you" whenever you mean to say "I."
2. View your own personal truth as "the truth."
3. Avoid sharing your feelings
4. Be afraid of vulnerability/being vulnerable
5. Be ungrateful for the other's honesty
6. Miss the fact that it takes a lot of courage to open up in the first place



Presumed attitudes to advance miscommunication

1. Do not make any commitment to communicate
2. View yourself and the other as enemies, instead of gifts to be shared
3. Be dishonest


What to do in between conversations (speaking and listening) to promote miscommunication

1. Spare no special or quality time together
2. Avoid touching (as nonverbal sign of love/caring/acceptance)
3. Stay within your comfort zone
4. Be rigid. Play things by the book. Avoid special approaches in times of conflict/crisis
5. Forget about love as basic underlying motive of everything
6. Don't seek enlightenment
7. Fear. Never aspire to have courage.

(Based on John Powell's and Loretta Brady's Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?)

Sayings that shouldn't even cross your mind

Business 101

The key to success in business lies in creating an unmet need and filling that need and making sure it is an unnecessary need, i.e., something everyone with low self-esteem (that's all of us in various degrees) will earnestly aspire for or evilly covet in his or her neighbor.

Forecasting 101

Every time something big comes up (like Obama winning the US election), trust that Nostradamus had already predicted it.

I hate prepositions

I eat prepositions for breakfast, but I hate prepositions. They're a constant dilemma. Here are sample dilemmas du jour:

Affinity to, affinity for, affinity with?
Aversion to, aversion for, aversion with?
Risk factor of, risk factor for?
At risk of, at risk for?

English prepositions are utterly confusing! Sometimes, Googling won't help much. Even native speakers are at a loss! (I'm a member of a US-based proofreading listserv.)

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

Keating on self-acceptance

"Compassion for ourselves is an important disposition because all of our emotional programs are in fully in place by the time we are four or five, certainly by the age of seven or eight, and hence are not our fault. Though they may have helped us get through childhood, as adults they cause pain and damage to ourselves or others.

"Sometimes this damage cannot be undone. In such cases, we ask God to help us reduce the consequences and bring about change in ourselves so that it may not happen again. This may require facing the afflictive feelings, staring them down, instead of trying to avoid them. The radical healing is the acceptance of the situation, because in some way God is present there."

Thomas Keating, Invitation to Love

The psalmist as psychologist

"The psalms speaks our feelings so poetically. As we recite it, we don't cover up our true emotions of anger, frustration, envy, loneliness, darkness, but instead we claim it as ours, our humanity. And before we know it, it becomes praise, we feel an inner joy, our holiness.

"The psalms are good psychologists. They defeat our tendency to be holy without being human first."

-Kathleen Norris, poet, in The Cloister Walk

Will Obama kill outsourcing?

Because I had a bad cold Saturday, I bought me a bottle of juice whose brand I've always associated with the phrase "Made in the Philippines" (can't remember whether Dole or Del Monte or some other). As I tipped the bottle to finish off my drink, I suddenly noticed the word "Vietnam" appear in the corner of mine eye. It was an unlikely word to encounter while drinking bottled juice to help get rid a virus, but upon closer look, it turned out I wasn't dreaming. I was, in fact, imbibing something "Made in Vietnam."

"Made in Vietnam?!" I thought, half-aghast. It's like drinking San Miguel Beer that's made in Madagascar! What's happening, world? Tell me.

Countries like the Philippines have always been villified by many Americans for being at the receiver's end of the outsourcing bonanza, if we can vulgarly call it that. But the truth is, I just realized, our country has also been outsourcing much-needed jobs just as the US is outsourcing so many of its backroom (nonessential) jobs. To repeat, we've been outsourcing essential jobs, while the US is outsourcing nonessential jobs. Between a developed country and a poor one, that's a helluva difference.

Will a Democratic win in the US result in legislation calling for all outsourced jobs to be repatriated? That's a question local businessmen in the BPO sector are asking. Actually, they asked the same question when John Kerry (a Democrat) ran for president, and figured they'd campaign for 'Dubya' Bush instead because a Kerry win would spell disaster to the BPO business.

Being employed in the business since Day One, I, of course, am not elated by the idea of our outsourced life being dashed all of a sudden. It's not an ideal or most fulfilling life, let me be clear: it is shot through with guilt feelings: the guilt of unintentionally taking away jobs that are best left to the Americans, on top of the guilt of not serving one's country directly and instead serving the needs of Americans. But it's a lot better alternative than close to nothing. Personally, outsourcing is my vindication: For various reasons (such as being unqualified, having no backer, etc.), I failed in every attempt to teach in Manila's universities, and I found it impossible to be employed in the local media; outsourcing gave me the chance and helped me prove to myself that I can not only write, but also teach -- to foreigners of all nationalities and ethnicities. (The guy who couldn't make it is now even employed to edit the writeups of doctors.)

If Obama kills outsourcing, will US big business respond to the US government's appeal to patriotism? Well, maybe only if they are legally forced to. What businessman, in his right mind, will not want big savings and big profit, which offshoring is all about in the eyes of the investors? Of course, it means great opportunity to us in the so-called Third World, too, but it also means even bigger savings and even bigger profit for the US government as American businesses pay for the same labor at low, low prices.

Additionally, I figure repatriation would yet be another unfair trade move on the part of the US. If everyone in the world outsources jobs in the name of global fair trade, why should Barrack's America insist on yet another effort at protectionism?

The question of what would Barrack Obama do is obviously a nail-biting one.

**

Random niceness

Meanwhile, I'm posting this for friends who love stuff like this.

-Oxford, annoyedOxford compiles list of top ten irritating phrases

-Fake eggs, fake eggs! This one got me laughing instead of angry. Can anyone actually fake an egg? Oops, it's allegedly another Internet hoax, like those circulating email about fetus-eating in Taiwan.

-The world's largest fish tank can hold four whale sharks!

-Worst nightmare travels

-9 amazingly unique bridges you may not have seen

There's no African cuisine in Manila

Speaking of Barack Obama, that's what we noticed when me and my officemates listed down one day the cuisines we've noticed to be available and unavailable around Metro Manila.

American - standard fare - almost everywhere
Tex-Mex/Cajun - some
Japanese - lots and lots
Chinese - standard fare - everywhere
Chinese - regional (Hainanese, Cantonese, Pekingese (wait, that's a dog), Hong Kongese, Macanese, Taiwanese) - in some specialty places
Singaporean - at least one
Korean - many
Thai - some
Indian - a few ones
Indonesian/Malaysian - not sure; Indonesian limited to snack items
Vietnamese/Cambodian - a handful
Mongolian - limited to barbecue and hot bowl rice toppings
Mexican - some
Australian - at least one
British - ? there used to be a pub serving fish and chips
Scottish - ?
Irish - limited to baileys and kahluas?
Swiss - at least one
Belgian - limited to waffle stands and chocolate booths
German - rare
Hungarian - limited to Hungarian sausage
French - a number, but limited to high-end restos
Italian - so many, but authentic, only a number
Middle Eastern/Persian/Arab - numerous; whether authentic or not is highly questionable
Israeli - no gefilte fish in Manila
Greek - a handful
Brazilian - not even a caipirinha?
Scandinavian - ?
Danish - will a danish do? :p
African - will Congo Grill do? :p
Cuban - is arroz a la cubana Cuban?
Jamaican - limited to spicy beef patties
Filipino - standard fare; everywhere, of course
Filipino - regional (Ilonggo, Pampango, Ilocano, Quezon) - growing

Oh brother

I have a brother I find hard to live with because he's such an intractable liar. He's mastered everything in the book. You won't believe how our typical exchange goes. I've given up on him ever talking to me straight. What I do now is anticipate his answers and decipher and demystify what his words really mean.

Here's a sample exchange, as translated from the vernacular.

Me: Where have you been?
Him: I'm so tired. --> It means he went someplace that's too shameful to divulge in public.
Me: I don't care how tired you are. The question is "Where have you been?"
Him: Do we have something to eat? -->What a guy. He even gave me an order like I'm his cook. Meanwhile I received no answer. Another question evaded.
Me: Why don't you buy some? --> Irritated, I am capable of showing my 'real' self.
Him: Remember the time I bought you a bunch of apples and oranges? That was last week, the last time I visited. --> He answers with actual facts when it suits him.
Me: Uh, okay. What have you been up to anyway? --> I shift my strategy to ape his strategy, which sucks big-time.
Him: I have no money. --> Wow, anticipation of a possible rebuttal. Or a delayed response. Whichever it is, it's a nice one.
Me: You have no money. What have you been doing with money? You still working or what?
Him: I want some coffee. --> Thanks for the answer.
Me: You want some coffee, have some. Him: Hey, older brother, did Barack Obama win? --> Yeah, right. Like he's ever interested in US Democrat politics.
Me: Why, yes, it's an historic win. Did you know that blacks used to be slaves in America? --> Look how the bugger led me on successfully. I've been had.
Him: I didn't know that. You mean Michael Jackson was a slave before he turned white? What about Kobe Bryant? He can't be a slave too? He's rich.
Me: Shut up, will you? Think hard before shooting off, or you're mouth bleeds.
Him: (Looks around the house. Zooms in on something perishable and valuable.) Hey, can I have half of this stuff? I want to bring it to my place. --> He even had the gall to steal my supplies. Just when I was about to launch into American history 101.
Me: Okay. Which reminds me. I have two shirts missing. I think you took them. Who else will? --> Presuming guilt is the best policy with criminals.
Him: Bye! Gotta go now.

Blocks to healing and wholeness, 1

(The different categories of answers, approaches, and strategies we often use to protect our parents/caregivers/ significant others)

Outright denial: “My childhood was fine.”

Appeasement/Detachment from feelings: “Yes, but…” “It happened, but… they (my parents) did their best.”

Viewing pain of the trauma as fantasy: “It really didn’t happen that way.”

Using God’s fourth commandment to induce guilt in self: “God will be angry at me. It just isn’t right.”

Unconscious fear of rejection: “If I express my rage, they won’t love me.”

Fear of the unknown: “Something really bad will happen. I might hurt someone, or they might hurt me.”

Acceptance of the blame. “I’m the bad one.”

Forgiving the parents: “I’ll just forgive them” or I’ve already forgiven them.”

Attacking the person who suggests doing recovery work: “You’re bad for suggesting that I express my hurt and rage or that my parents could have been bad”

(Source: )

Personal Bill of Rights

I don't know where this list originally came from, but do check over the list carefully. It's often used as a self-diagnostic test for wholeness, mental health and well-being, and even spiritual maturity. There are other versions, but I figure this one is better.

1. I have numerous choices in my life beyond mere survival.
2. I have a right to discover and know my Child Within.
3. I have a right to grieve over what I didn’t get that I needed or what I got that I didn’t need or want.
4. I have a right to follow my own values and standards.
5. I have a right to recognize and accept my own value system as appropriate.
6. I have a right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or violates my values.
7. I have a right to dignity and respect.
8. I have a right to make decisions.
9. I have a right to determine and honor my own priorities.
10. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
11. I have the right to terminate conversations with people who make me feel put down and humiliated.
12. I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.
13. I have a right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
14. I have a right to expect honesty from others.
15. I have a right to all of my feelings.
16. I have a right to be angry at someone I love.
17. I have a right to be uniquely me, without feeling I’m not good enough.
18. I have a right to feel scared and to say “I’m afraid.”
19. I have the right to experience and then let go of fear, guilt, and shame.
20. I have a right to make decisions based on my feelings, my judgment or any reason that I chose.
21. I have a right to change my mind at any time.
22. I have the right to be happy.
23. I have a right to stability, i.e., “roots” and stable healthy relationships of my choice.
24. I have the right to my own personal space and time needs.
25. There is no need to smile when I cry.
26. It is OK to be relaxed, playful and frivolous.
27. I have the right to be flexible and be comfortable with doing so.
28. I have the right to change and grow.
29. I have a right to be open to improve communication skills so that I may be understood.
30. I have a right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
31. I have a right to be in a non-abusive environment.
32. I can be healthier than those around me.
33. I can take care of myself, no matter what.
34. I have the right to grieve over actual or threatened losses.
35. I have the right to trust others who earn my trust
36. I have the right to forgive others and to forgive myself.
37. I have the right to give and to receive unconditional love.

Now, which words leap out of the webpage? That category is your unmet need!

What to do when a major realization comes up: Feel the pain. What's important at this point is to be aware.

If you were previously unaware, if you became aware just now, chances are you have repressed or suppressed the reality of your hurt, the awareness that you've been somewhat deprived of something you ought to have received freely or should be getting all along. Chances are you'll be traumatized and be in denial.

But eventually, past denial, you'll need to go through the pain. Pain is inescapable. It's part of the process.

You'll even need to go through the other stages of pain after denial and anger: bargaining and depression. When you're ready, hopefully you'll finally find acceptance, enough to forgive whoever denied you your basic human right, enough to forgive yourself, enough to start anew.

Good luck!

A harmless post-Joc-joc thought

(A feelings-based political analysis)

Why can't I hate Gloria? Why can't I hate her after all these years, even if I wanted to? Why can't I, despite Joc-joc Bolante (now that he's back to face his fertilizer scam case?) The answer is simple: It's because the manner is which PGMA was 'exposed' (wiretapping a conversation made in confidence in the now infamous "Hello Garci" episode) violated my sense of what is right and wrong, that's why.

It took a daring crime to expose an alleged crime. That's what happened plain and simple. And we're not sure we liked it because the word 'fishy' is written all over it. In my case, the exposure of her supposed crime brought me instinctive fear rather than hate. If I was wiretapped like that, my privacy invaded that way, wouldn't I be exposed too? Who isn't guilty somehow of doing some 'crime' in the dark (like entertaining dark things in one's thoughts)? What I felt was sympathy instead. I didn't realize this until now.

Besides, it's easy to rationalize that the findings against Ms. Arroyo were inconclusive, making the accusation all the more weak. Of course, whatever the resulting blow was, whatever was possibility of hating Ms. Arroyo, it was softened by her nationwide announcement saying she's sorry. She didn't exactly ask forgiveness. She might even have admitted an amount of wrongdoing in the process. But she was somewhat sincerely remorseful that I just have to forgive her and let go.
(And granting she did cheat, how do you prosecute an unprosecutable crime?)

This must be how most of us Filipinos think and feel at the moment. Sorry, Black-and-White Movement. Sorry, Bishop Angel Lagdameo. But I see no people-power backlash against her anytime soon, because it's not a simple case as when Erap brought us down hard with a landmark case that had all local banks presuming guilt on us whenever we open an account -- open an account! -- or encash our checks, asking an inordinate amount of proof ("a valid ID, another valid ID, and yet another valid ID, please, plus your most recent photo"), no thanks to his "weather-weather," "it's-now-my-time-to-steal-big-bucks-and-abuse-power politics.

Needless to say, the Gloria-"Hello Garci" story developed into elaborate twists and turns, with coverups here, attempted coups there, a crusading Jun Lozada there, political turncoatism here, etc. etc., with comic relief provided by an extrajudicially naughty Secretary of Injustice.

Of course, this reflection is neither meant to free PGMA from accountability nor to stop the call for corrupt government to reform. I just want to say that we're not fooled nonetheless: We just can't forget how the national narrative all started: It all started with a military crime that's very hard to forgive. It held the executive arm of government hostage and the whole country together with it.

**

P.S. Maybe I am just being too malicious, but can you connect this dot to the big dot called the Gen. Garcia corruption case? Eh? Now, tehre's the De la Paz case too. Tough luck either case will ever be solved. Btw, this post is just a parroting -- or an update -- of something I already said in a carefully convoluted way here.

Obama Nation

America's white establishment must be gritting its teeth at the victory, as it cries, "Abomination! Abomination!"

We knew it. America and the rest of us were on to something historical and paradigmatic when this joke was widely circulated: Baroque Alabama. I hope Obama delivers with a more nuanced and principled US presidency.

Time to rename the White House, I guess.

We're all blacks now.

Theories of human needs

Charlie Whitfield (1987), the inner child theorist lists down the following authors as his basis for his own compilation/hierarchy of human needs:

Abraham Maslow's (1962) Hierarchy of Human Needs: physiological, safety, love/belonging, esteem, self-actualization

Alice Miller (?) (1981) in Thou Shalt Not Be Aware (Du sollst nicht merken) (?)

Andrew Weil (1973) adds the concept of human need to alter consciousness, in his bid to explain why people take illegal drugs, in his book The Natural Mind.

Glaser (1985) - (I can't find a link for now.)

**

Whitfield's Hierarchy of Human Needs

1. Survival
2. Safety
3. Touching, skin contact
4. Attention
5. Mirroring and echoing
6. Guidance
7. Listening
8. Being real
9. Participating
10. Acceptance
11. Opportunity to grieve losses and to grow
12. Support
13. Loyalty and trust
14. Accomplishment
15. Altering one's staet of consciousness, transcending the ordinary
16. Sexuality
17. Enjoyment or fun
18. Freedom
19. Nurturing
20. Unconditional love (including connection with a Higher Power)

(Click on the above link to read more about this hierarchy and discover how you fare in each category.)

Ayala Museum: a glass-and-granite gem

Thanks to my old college friend Mona, I finally was able to visit the new Ayala museum (tickets at just over Php200 each!), which I found to be every inch a treasure. I am referring to both the building itself (a glass-and-granite shrine to Filipino culture) and its contents (a mix of marvels). There's almost nothing in it, really, that I haven't seen before somewhere else. The dioramas and boat replica collection I've seen before (I think the boat replicas each deserve more space than they do have now).

What I found remarkable and newish is the relatively large private collection of ammonites (fossilized seashells) and petrified tree trunks. The fossils, aside from being objects of scientific study, have been transformed into varnished objects of astounding beauty -- with the sea as architect and time doing the polishing and finishing.

The exhibit of rare Filipino costumes is another thing I didn't expect to interest me. Everyday wear at the time prove to have elegant and intricate weaves; combined with an understated overall design, they turn out to be simple, subtle, and most importantly unique mixed-race beauty. I never expected I'd someday be proud to be Filipino because of those camisas (shirts) and tamborins (neckwear with pendant), panuelos (hankie used as shawl) and sombreros (hats), even if I'm no Inno Sotto, i.e., my interest in female fashion or fashion in general is close to zero -- apart from the possible entertainment to be had out of heckling, that is.

Of course, there's Ayala Museum's breath-taking ancestral gold collection, which turns out to contain several notable items that I haven't seen yet in the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas vault:

- a pair of "garuda" (Hindu-Buddhist mythical bird) earrings,
- a "kinnari" goddess (?) (outsize-boobed half-woman, half-swan creature),
- a simple gold bowl,
- an outlandish (gayish) death mask,
- exquisitely carved hilts,
- exquisite woven wear for the wrist and hips, and
- a "baldric" (shoulder belt used for carrying weapon),

...among other arresting finds. I remember my friend Tito at the time in the BSP vault whispering to me, "Can you imagine if some moron found all these gold and smelted them instead?" And refashioned them into modern "bling-bling"?, I might add. That, or they could've sold off the loot and deposited the stash to a secret Swiss account, and they could've gone off to a life of luxury-cruise retirement. Whoever found and kept these gold ornaments -- which are like no other I've seen in books -- are genuine patriots; the Filipino nation should be forever grateful to them (the Locsins?).

What I noticed about the pure-gold finds, if I may notice something notable, is the great sense of historical and cultural disconnect they prompt in a modern viewer like me. Reduced to a present-day museum voyeur, I couldn't perceive any obvious continuity in any of the aspects of the jewelry design with present Filipino aesthetic sensibilities. My reaction was more like, "Oh, jeez, so this is what we must be really are, or were, minus all the three or four layers of influence from invading cultures."

It then occurs to me that a significant part of ancestral Filipino culture is irretrievably lost; what's left are mere clues, weak clues, limited to those dug up as "funerary materials" -- or else some Filipino families of today should have been handed down such astonishing artifacts and should now be in possession of them -- or at least have preserved the practice or tradition. But no, what we have instead is a glaring lack of proof of connection other than that the treasures were dug up in our shores, resulting in one huge puzzle, an enigma of national scale, a series of questions that no one seems able to answer now or in the near future. Who can, and will, answer the inevitable query of how such an intriguing culture was birthed and eventually died almost without a trace?

Prepare for such strange feelings you didn't know you have, when you view this particular collection.

**

Meanwhile, a separate room holding collections of ancient pottery from China, Siam (Thailand), and Vietnam would have been more instructive if accompanied by a Humanities-Anthropology 101 type of lecture. Those celadon cups and saucers just have too much information in them waiting to be imbibed by the curious.

Lastly, may I proffer the idea of a separate and more extensive exhibit of Philippine hats and baskets? Those two particular items, I think, also deserve enough museum space of their own.

W00t section

Wanted: a butterfly museum to exhibit the countrhy's 1,674 butterfly species before they become extinct. Reference: The Pulilan Butterfly Haven "As one of Asia's tropical Edens, the Philippines is home to at least a thousand butterfly species. As of 1993, in fact, studies disclosed that the country is host to 1,674 butterfly species, 44% of which - or around 700 species - are native to the Philippines. Some countries, in contrast, can only lay claim to around 200 indigenous species!"

And since we're at it, why not a bird museum showcasing our 600+ species?

**

Intimately breathtaking shots of Moscow from its residents' roofs (There's more on the site.)

**

Yikes corner

The company Halloween farty: Guess which demon is yours truly. Hahahaha! Dear friends: Look, the devil made me do it, okay, so quit murmuring. See, he even sidled up to me. Don't laugh too much, okay, or you'll fart.

Wu-wei: the tao of I'd rather be

I’d rather be kind than be right.
I’d rather experience a miracle than be able to explain its logic. (To the unbeliever, no explanation is enough; to a believer, no explanation is necessary.)
I’d rather be wealthy than be rich. (But I'd rather be rich than be poor.)
I’d rather be unpopular but wise than famous yet dumb. (Of course, I'd rather be rich and wise and yet remain popular if I could, than be poor and dumb and despised at the same time.)
I'd rather be right and a bit lonely (or in some kind of manageable trouble) than be happily deluded in error.
I'd rather be in some kind of trouble as long as it is bearable than be comfortable and unafflicted but am in fact missing the point.
I'd rather be in some sort of chaos and state of unknowing than be so cocksure one day and be a laughable, pitiable fool the next.
I'd rather be happy and poor but healthy than be rich but sickly (and inescapably, sad).
I'd rather be at home with imperfection than be perfect because everyone else expects me to be and the rest awaits me make a wrong step.
I'd rather be harshly corrected for my wrongs than be loved and have my mistakes glossed over and even abetted. (But I'd rather be loved despite my mistakes.)
I'd rather risk being unsure than feel the false security of certitude in everything.
I'd rather hope for the best and let God take care of the rest than expect the unexpected, but...
I'd rather assume the worst than deny the possibility.
I’d rather be than change what I can't.

**

The bad ch'i of it's amazing how

It’s amazing how someone who should have low self-esteem is not even insecure. (Whenever this happens, big trouble brews for the rest of the world.)
It's amazing when someone who has abandoned the concept of right and wrong dictates to the whole world what is wrong and what is right.
It's amazing how someone who is in the wrong is the one who wants to define what is right.
It's amazing how someone with a terrible hangup he is not even aware of tells the rest of the world how to do things the right way.
It's amazing when it is the rebel who lays down the law and threatens his opponents with jail time if they do not conform to his wishes.
It's amazing how someone who abandons the faith insists on belonging to it.
It's amazing how someone who has lost faith claims God to be evil and then accuses the faithful of heresy.
It's amazing how someone flips and confound it with a mountain more of ever-worsening yet all-too-obvious mistakes.

Hail, secularism!

I'm taking a break from regular programing just to say hi to our Congressmen and tell them to please listen to Fr. Bernas. His is the voice of reason in this noise- and hate-filled controversy. Thank you.

Here, Bernas perfectly nailed for me my position on the RH Bill controversy:

"Other citizens, many of them also firm believers, allow religious values to direct their private lives, but they would not allow government to impose them on themselves or on others. Their concern is that legislating values that come from religion but are not commonly held will divide the nation. They are for a government free from religious dictation but not hostile to religion. They seek to maintain national unity in the midst of religious diversity."

Another related post I'm happy about is Manuel Quezon III's usual anticlerical but well though-out post on the matter.

Today's major stressors and muscle relaxants

- Vatican issues screening guidelines for priests - I like this new guideline. It's brutally honest yet sober, psychologically sound, but compassionate enough, and thus fair to all concerned.

- I read this "Proposition 8" article with much interest. What else can I say but that California is in terrible, terrible error. Great news, huh?
Supporters of gay marriage are in grave error, and deep in their heart, they know it. But my personal position on such a legal issue is like my position on sex and religion. Just to be consistent, I'd reiterate that private stuff must be private. Things two consenting adults do in private must be respected by all, unless it harms the innocent, involves children, involves devil worship (which opens the door to 'black areas' instead of defining the limits of the law within the gray areas), or involves activities that may harm public heath and safety. If gay marriage is really popular in a given place, then we have no business denying that to those who want it -- as long as -- and this is the big BUT -- this will not lead to the passing of a law that reverses the discrimation story, i.e., this time outlawing vocal critics and dissenters of the gay lifestyle. I thought that's fair enough anywhere to anybody who thinks and doesn't put blinders on while thinking.

- I finally saw Luther (thanks to a nice friend finding me a copy). It's a picture of a tormented man redefining an entire church, unknowingly establishing a new church, but admittedly opening the door to religious freedom in Europe and beyond, the translation of the Bible into local language, the idea of allowing priests to marry, the idea of allowing the entire congregation to sing in unison, and more. Luther also reminds us that, among other things, the advent of Protestantism also killed a lot of people, maligned a lot of lives, and destroyed and desecrated beautiful churches all over Europe -- in favor of the grim spareness of Protestant architecture, which was, or is, deemed virtuous in its non-opulence and absence of 'excess.' Of course, it also made the Catholic Church rethink its ways and tackle accusations of corruption head-on.

The new, much-improved Ayala Museum: A glass-and-granite gem

- Thanks to my old college friend Mona, I finally was able to visit the new Ayala museum (tickets at just over Php200!), which I found to be every inch a treasure. I am referring to both the building itself (a glass-and-granite shrine to Filipino culture) and its contents (a mix of marvels). There's almost nothing in it, really, that I haven't seen before somewhere else. The dioramas and boat replica collection I've seen before (I think the boat replicas each deserve more space than they do have now).

What I found remarkable and newish is the relatively large private collection of ammonites (fossilized seashells) and petrified tree trunks. The fossils, aside from being objects of scientific study, have been transformed into varnished objects of astounding beauty -- with the sea as architect and time doing the polishing and finishing.

The exhibit of rare Filipino costumes is another thing I didn't expect to interest me. Everyday wear at the time prove to have elegant and intricate weaves; combined with an understated overall design, they turn out to be simple, subtle, and most importantly unique mixed-race beauty. I never expected I'd someday be proud to be Filipino because of those camisas (shirts) and tamborins (neckwear with pendant), panuelos (hankie used as shawl) and sombreros (hats), even if I'm no Inno Sotto, i.e., my interest in female fashion or fashion in general is close to zero -- apart from the possible entertainment to be had out of heckling, that is.

Of course, there's Ayala Museum's breath-taking ancestral gold collection, which turns out to contain several notable items that I haven't seen yet in the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas vault:

- a pair of "garuda" (Hindu-Buddhist mythical bird) earrings,
- a "kinnari" goddess (?) (outsize-boobed half-woman, half-swan creature),
- a simple gold bowl,
- an outlandish (gayish) death mask,
- exquisitely carved hilts,
- exquisite woven wear for the wrist and hips, and
- a baldric (shoulder belt used for carrying weapon),

...among other arresting finds. I remember my friend Tito at the time in the BSP vault whispering to me, "Can you imagine if some moron found all these gold and smelted them instead?" And refashioned them into modern "bling-bling"?, I might add. That, or they could've sold off the loot and deposited the stash to a secret Swiss account, and they could've gone off to a life of luxury-cruise retirement. Whoever found and kept these gold ornaments -- which are like no other I've seen in books -- are genuine patriots; the Filipino nation should be forever grateful to them (the Locsins?).

What I noticed about the pure-gold finds, if I may notice something notable, is the great sense of historical and cultural disconnect they prompt in a modern viewer like me. Reduced to a present-day museum voyeur, I couldn't perceive any obvious continuity in any of the aspects of the jewelry design with present Filipino aesthetic sensibilities. My reaction was more like, "Oh, jeez, so this is what we must be really are, or were, minus all the three or four layers of influence from invading cultures."

It then occurs to me that the ancestral Filipino culture is irretrievably lost; what's left are mere clues, weak clues, limited to those dug up as "funerary materials" -- or else some Filipino families of today should have been handed down such astonishing artifacts and should now be in possession of them -- or at least have preserved the practice or tradition. But no, what we have instead is a glaring lack of proof of connection other than that the treasures were dug up in our shores, resulting in one huge puzzle, an enigma of national scale, a series of questions that no one seems able to answer now or in the near future. Who can, and will, answer the inevitable query of how such an intriguing culture was birthed and eventually died almost without a trace?

Prepare for such strange feelings you didn't know you have, when you view this particular collection.

**

Meanwhile, a separate room holding collections of ancient pottery from China, Siam (Thailand), and Vietnam would have been more instructive if accompanied by a Humanities-Anthropology 101 type of lecture. Those celadon cups and saucers just have too much information in them waiting to be imbibed by the curious.

Lastly, may I proffer the idea of a separate and more extensive exhibit of Philippine hats and baskets? Those two particular items, I think, also deserve enough museum space of their own.

- Currently reading interrelated stuff: Will the Real Me Please Stand Up? (So We Can All Get to Know You) by John Powell, S.J. and Loretta Brady MSW (Tabor Publishing, 1985). A Place to My Shaky Heart: Reflections from Life in Community by Sue Mosteller CSJ - awe-inspiring tales of broken people serving as wounded healers to help the mentally ill live a life of dignity, but with the servants ending up being edified by their accidental teachers. Intimacy with God by Thomas Keating (Paulines, 1994) --> happily, the founder of "centering prayer" is well-versed in psychological stuff; he's aware that some life problems can't be solved by the usual solutions. Healing for Damaged Emotions: Recovering from the Memories that Cause Our Pain by David Seamands (Victor Books, 1981) --> it's edifying how a Methodist pastor's experience on the subject ties in perfectly with those of Powell's (a Jesuit) and psychologists' and psychospiritual authors' observations. It's like they all went to the same conference together. Helplessness has a power to unite.