Emotional dependency

Might you be trapped in an "emotionally dependent" relationship? This term hasn't caught on here yet, but in the West, the existing literature is vast. What is emotional dependency or ED? How do you know you're in the middle of it? What are its symptoms? Well, one is excessive emotions. Another is manipulativeness. There are others.

What we know and consider to be "true love" and such could turn out to be an unhealthy relationship, an emotionally dependent one. Worse, it is celebrated without much thought, in music, in movies, in literature. And this type of dysfunctional relationship is very common, both in heterosexual and in homosexual relationships (especially in the latter). Reparative therapists would even go to the extent of claiming that there's no such thing as "gay love"; all gay love/sexual relationships are oftentimes emotional dependency (or simply, ED) or at least a needy relationship, one borne not out of love (the way normal couples are, or should be) but out of one's neediness and another's desperate need to be needed -- or in other words, borne of “gender brokenness” or simply brokenness (in place of wholeness).

But don't listen to me, listen to the voice of authority (although the type marginalized to the wilderness). The Protestant and Evangelical churches, with their decades of experience in handling clergy figuring in sex scandals, especially have advanced knowledge on it. Here's a couple of good resources.

- Emotional dependency: a threat to close friendships by Lori Thorkelson

- Emotional dependency: relational brokenness by Exodus International

Here's a nice illustration lifted off the latter site:

"Let’s say Josh is emotionally dependent with Andy. How can you tell?

-Josh and Andy became close very quickly.
-Josh tags along with Andy whenever he gets a chance. When he’s not with him, he’s talking about him.
-Josh and Andy share an inordinate amount of lengthy phone calls; they often exchange gifts for no reason.
-Josh gets jealous and feels rejected when Andy spends time with other friends.
-Josh has few or no boundaries when it comes to Andy. He expresses affection in a way that makes others (including, sometimes, Andy) uncomfortable.
-Josh puts little or no effort into other relationships.
-Sometimes Andy uses or abuses Josh, but Josh doesn’t seem to notice.
-Other times, Josh’s feelings are easily and badly hurt by little things Andy does.
-When confronted about the relationship, Josh gets angry and defensive.
-Josh does not feel comfortable or know how to act around other people when Andy’s not there.
-Josh can’t have fun without Andy.
-Josh struggles with sexual attractions and fantasies about Andy."

Does this typical ED song ring a bell?

"You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you."